I was really thinking about "The joy of Drawing", but then that would limit the journal topic.

The Joy
What is your creative joy? What makes you feel comfortable doing? What gives you joy when you create something or engage in an activity? For me, it is drawing. I love to draw. I draw what I feel, I draw what I imagine, I draw when I feel like it. It gives me pleasure and it makes me feel good about myself. I am expressing myself on a blank void of paper or board and creating something that was viewed in my head. My mind focuses on that image to the point where I am fixed in a meditative state.

Many have their different outlets that they use to express themselves, ranging from vocal, to physical, to visual, to verbal. Everyone expresses themselves differently, making each person unique. It is who they are and what they are.

The Sorrow
Not many know what their creative outlet is. Some are still struggling to find that spark, to find that sense of creativity that makes them happy. Some just go head-first into something to try it out, and some are pushed by their parents. They tell you WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO and to be GOOD AT IT, no matter what or how you feel. In the end, if it makes them unhappy, they try something else until they are satisfied on what they are doing.

Some find that spark of creativity that makes them happy and go along with it, but later on it gets them down. Competition is the main reason. When you are in an artistic society, you have other people and other artists around you who are nowhere near the same drawing level as you are. You think you are unique and highly idealistic, but you find someone with a higher amount of self-confidence and talent and you think to yourself "Why do I even try when I can not be as good as the other? Why do my drawings look like shit compared to his?" That is one of many reasons why people leave what they enjoy to find something else that has less of a competitive field.

Personal
I ask this because of what I went through on the day of Thanksgiving. I went back to my parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. Since my sister and I moved out, our rooms became somewhat vacant. Since my room was more "down to earth" than my sister's room, my mother wanted to change it into a guest room, so she made me clean out all the old junk and reorganize everything ( Hey, it was better than raking leaves ). I started with that huge pile of artwork laying on the food of my bed. It contained artwork back in 2000, when I was starting art college. I rummaged through so much stuff and picked out 30% of good artwork to keep. The rest had to be thrown away. I mostly kept the final products and tossed away the sketches and research data.

Small Side
I found some old work done when I was young that were still in tacked. My mother is storing all my childhood drawings and photos in a box to preserve them for years to come. I also found old artwork done when I had my Muridae website up. I had images and stories from my Silver Forest RP days to a Vulpine Report. Those who were friends of mine back in the mid-90's would know what I am talking about. They were big projects I have done in the part. Vulpine Report was an illustrated book I have done about these fox-like creatures and how they lived in the forest. I sold a small amount of books back then and have one remaining copy of it in mint condition. This was when I didn't know about the "Furry Fandom".

When I looked at the artwork I produced back in college, I saw how much my skill and talent has changed in style. I can tell you, I was not very good at figure drawing or still life. I somewhat hated it; drawing something that was placed in front of me and copying it light for shadow and figure. I was more of a "fantasy" artist, sticking to simple styles instead of complexed. I only took Illustration classes for half of my 5 years in college, but I would have never survived it as a major because it was somewhat too strict and I was focusing on a few particular styles rather than a large pallet. That is why I went into Animation because you could express yourself by drawing anything and having it be called "art".

Being a student in art college...yeah, it was VERY VERY competitive in many ways. You paint in class and look to your right or left to see students who are younger than you creating DeVinci images while your stuck drawing "Disney crap". I was not strong in the Illustration field because of my "learning block" I had in front of me and the constant pushes and nagging from the teachers. But it did not take me long to find out that I was not really a surrealist artist, but more of a psychological and philosophic artist as well as fantasy. I suck at still life, but I could draw stories without trouble. I could explain and show emotions in my artwork and animations without trouble. So that is when I decided to stick with that kind of art style and continued to develop it for years, trying to get better.

Why say this
I just dont want to talk about myself in this. I wanted to give out a few examples. It was also something that came to mind when I was looking at other people's artwork on FA, DA and other sites. I viewed a lot of well known artists' art here and there, ranging from mild to porn. ( hey, in the furry fandom, you see mostly the porn stuff ) A lot of good artists draw mostly porn because they enjoy it AND it brings them money. Learning to draw the human figure is important and is almost the KEY to drawing great artwork.

Go to your favorite professional furry artist and take a look at their character figures. You will see what I mean.

Some artists are experts in drawing stories, others for drawing characters, others for drawing porn. Some even are experts in rendering and coloring, making their artwork look like paints that should be hung in galleries. Everyone has their strengths and their weaknesses. The best artist can not be good at everything or has flaws here and there that YOU can master. Building self confidence is very hard and time consuming. It takes YEARS to feel good about what you do in the creative world. You wish to try to get your voice out there, telling everyone that you exist and you want your face in the spotlight here and there. There is nothing wrong with that because it is personal growth and you are going at it at your own pace.

Hey, I was slow. I didn't go to my first furry convention until last year. It took me 3 to 4 years to suck my gut in and go on ( Just ask . She was pulling on my hair every year to go to a furry convention. ) I couldn't go not for the lack of money, but the lack of self confidence. I wasn't really ready because I felt my artwork was not up to "par". I wanted to go once I feel like my artwork was good enough, when I felt like I was artistically ready. I submitted images to FurFright, they got in and I went there. Next year I am getting a dealers table to sell some stuff. It took me a long time, but I did it. No harm, no fowl.

Do what you want that makes you happy about yourself as an artist or whatever field you are in. You are expressing yourself and you shouldnt feel the pressure of becoming the best in a fortnight ( tried it, doesn't work ). For those artists that you envy, give them a pat on the back and tell them "You are doing a great job. Keep it up." Dont feel angry or jealous that they are coasting through the artistic life much easier than you. That is their life, not yours. In truth, the best artwork comes from someone who is really struggling in life. It shows GROWTH and that is very important in any field.


- Ookami Kemono


Side Note
Those who are waiting for commissions, I cant do them now. My focus is too deep in my comic book that I have no time to do ANYTHING else. Those who gave me money in advance ( which I wish you DIDNT! ), it is in my folder along with your data. Im not touching that money until the commission is done. I will tell when commissions are open again. My comic book is a new chapter in my life and I want to go to the next one. I am almost done with my comic so you see how much of a "hurry" I am in right now.

For now, all commissions are put on hold, no matter what. I am sorry...