The Truth Hurts

Diary 1/5 9:30pm

" I ended up hurting a good friend of mine, all for telling the truth and being honest. I didn't meant to hurt her at all, but it was something I really had to say. I broke up with Jean today, Diary. It was a hard one, but I felt like it was the only time I could tell her what was on my mind.

" Her and I have been friends for years, online and offline. We had mixed feelings about each other and flirted with each other back and forth nonstop. She loved me and I loved her. The only thing is that I didn't really love her as much as she loved me. There was just something about her that made me feel unease. She is beautiful and charming, but she lacks social skills and is a very secretive person. She keeps to herself a lot and only comes out whenever I try to "break her wall of security". I am open and I speak my mind whenever I felt something is wrong. She really doesn't. Its like a "one way street" of communication. Recently, she wanted to take a vacation with me. She paid for the plane ticket and we both took that week off from work, but the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I felt.

" After years of flirtations and a small amount of sexual activities, I just had to put my foot down and tell her how I felt about her. I had to tell her that we couldn't be close anymore. It wasn't a good friendship if she wasn't open and I was. I need someone that I can talk to and will also tell me what is on his or her mind instead of hiding it away or saying nothing at all.

" She didn't take it too well at all. She got upset and shut me out after I pleaded with her to talk to me She told me like I was like her ex's and how I used her. I tried to tell her that is not true, but she didn't listen to me. I told her that I would not hesitate to pay her back for the ticket, but she continued to yell at me and brush me off. She kicked me out of her house and I couldn't get a hold of her on the phone or online. Now I am writing to you, feeling very sad and worried that she might do something to herself. I am now worried about her.

" I know I waited until the last minute to tell her, but I had to be honest and truthful to her. That is who I am. I feel her pain now because I have been in her situation before with breakups, so I know what she is going through. It is just hard for me not to worry about her now after the information I told her.

" Did I do the right thing? Was it best for me to tell her now before we went on that week-long trip? Did I say everything I needed to? Do you think it was the right decision to be cautious and tell her that I felt uncomfortable? I did it to protect her and myself, not just for me. What is a relationship when you try to communicate with someone who is not as open as you? I hope you answer me in my dreams. "

- Andrew

The Truth Hurts © 2008 Alex Cockburn