Cut and Paste Pain

" She thought what she did wrong, what made him drive her away like that. She pondered why he acted that way towards her, how she reacted when he lashed out. Was it something that she did to him in the past? Was it something he did, but blamed it on her? Was it maybe something that was not tied into his departure or her actions? Was it that time when they were close? Was she too fast? Was she too strong? Was she too weak? What was it?

" Not having a clear answer, she blamed everything on herself, on her soul and her fragile heart. ' How could I be so blind ', she thought. ' How could I have acted that way towards him? I am so stupid, too stupid to act properly towards him. It is all my fault. ' Drinking wont help her depression or her mind. She feels the need to punish herself, something that will remain with her for a long time. Picking up the only "friend" she had in the room, she let it teach her a lesson."

How does cutting oneself relieve the pain and the guilt that they are facing? How does self injury cure you of all "wickedness" or punish you for how "bad" you are to yourself and to others? Many who do cut themselves maybe thinking that it is the only way that they will learn, the only way they will remind themselves that what they did was "wrong" and that it was all their fault that something so negative happened to both them and another. But why damage yourself when you are already in pain? Must one add physical pain to go along with their mental pain? Would that balance everything out? No, just make things worse.

A lot of emotional people are fragile, sensitive and caring people. They care about others much more than themselves. They would gladly put themselves in front of one's problems without realizing how much it would hurt themselves in the end. A lot of people don’t realize how emotionally fragile other people are and slowly take advantage of their "flaw" and mold it in anyway they can so they would be "guilt free" while the other would burden all the guilt on his or her shoulders.

Its not fair, it is not fair to anyone to feel that depressed where they have no choice to but to damage their physical being. This is why human contact ( hugging, snuggling, holding hands, a shoulder to cry on, a stuff animal to hug, etc. ) is very important to emotional and sensitive people. We need it all the time whenever we are down. It gives us some hope and harmony in our heart as well as the feeling of being loved and looked after. When we don’t have anything like that on those dark moments, we hurt ourselves, thinking that no one will care or ‘no one loves me’ or anything like that.

We are all loved in many ways, even some ways we don’t even see it. There is always someone out there to give us a warm friendly hug to sooth the pain, to give us a shoulder to cry on, a lap to rest on. I know that many are thinking that this "physical contact" is all bull and we should learn to just get the hell over our problems like flicking a fly off your arm. But you know what, it is not that easy. It is never easy.

- Ookami Kemono

Cut and Paste Pain © 2007 Alex Cockburn